Spousal abuse can happen to anyone. It does not depend upon your ethnicity, age, gender or economic status. However, it is frequently reported by individuals of low income. Being a victim of spousal abuse can leave behind more than just bruises, it can also leave emotional and psychological scars buried deep underneath the surface.
How abusers abuse
The abuser uses fear, shame, threats and other forms of intimidation to maintain control over their victim(s). The psychological symptoms of a victim of abuse can manifest itself in many forms such as:
- the victim may be extremely passive
- they may have depression and anxiety
- they may have chronic fatigue syndrome
- they may have thoughts of suicide
One of the most frequently used defenses in our legal system today is the battered women syndrome. Being a survivor of spousal abuse, I'm always shock to hear a person claim that defense in order to win a case. The trauma that a spouse endures in these cases remains with them years after the abuse. It can undermine their self-worth , confidence and trust of people.
Battered spouses
Only if you have been a victim of this horrible cycle will you understand the struggles that you must endure to regain control over your life.
Sometimes being a battered women stigmatizes you with family and friends because their ignorance of what you endured projects a poor image of who you are. They don’t see the survivor. They will always see as a victim, and that can cause psychological hurdles itself. Keep in mind that whether they see it or not, you’re a survivor and no longer a victim of any form of abuse.
Although women are 84% more likely than men to become a victim of spousal abuse, men are abused as well. Reports from 2005 by the CDC (Center of Disease Control) reported that women sustained two million injuries at the hand of their intimate partners and one out of three adolescent females in the United States may fall victim to some form of physical, emotional or verbal abuse at the hand of their boyfriends.
How to help the abused
This is a real problem in our country and it can impact anyone from all walks of life. If you know someone who is being abused, help him or her escape. Don’t criticize or alienate your loved one as this only provides more power to the abuser. Sometimes the victim has been psychologically brainwashed or they may not be sure how they can escape without enduring more pain for themselves or their loved ones.
It's infuriating to hear people say that she or he must like being abused or they would leave. Please understand that spousal abuse is so much more than physical abuse, and if the victim is being criticized constantly by their abuser, then your criticism doesn’t help the situation - it only compounds it.
There is a honeymoon cycle when it comes to the abuser and the victim, he strikes her and is so truly sorry and provides all the affection and attention . . . until the next episode.
How the cycle of abuse continues
There is a validation or sense of security that the victim gets from the abuser that was not provided in their childhood, environment or social circle. In between episodes, the abuser feeds the need or desire of the victim and this weird twist of events is what continues the cycle. Once the victim gets into counseling they will be able to understand and identify their behavior in order to stop the cycle.
The path of self discovery will empower the victims of abuse and transformed them into survivors.
Our country now has many shelters and hot lines ready to lend a helping hand for anyone who is a victim of spousal abuse. If you can identify with anything in this article and would like to be in a safe environment for you and your children please contact one of the links below so they can refer you to a facility within your local area. for help. We all deserve a brighter tomorrow.....
Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women
Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships
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